The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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