fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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