Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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