I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
