Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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