This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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