"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
