omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
