Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
