Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
