I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize