Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
