Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
