Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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