Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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