so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
