it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize