Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
