If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
