So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
