this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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