just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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