She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Randomize