he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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