I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize