I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
