He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
