I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
