If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
