I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
