at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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