Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
