Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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