ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
