I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
