Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
