he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
where are my eyebrows?
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