you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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