Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize