Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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