So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
