Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize