Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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