dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
