Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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