why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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