found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
