I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize