Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
