Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
