i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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