I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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