I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
