thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
