Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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