dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
