you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
