Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
