I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
