I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
