you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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