just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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