my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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